Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
