Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
