I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
