also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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