I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
