so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
