Your tits are I can't wait for
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
