my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
