stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
