i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
