I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
