I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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