i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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