I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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