yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
