got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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