I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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