You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
