So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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