He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
