I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring me the toilet please
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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