im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
