I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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