He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
