i think i have two assholes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
