And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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