I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
