Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
