just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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