pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
