I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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