Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
