My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
