you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
