Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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