Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
