I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
