end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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