I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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