Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
