We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
