i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize