She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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