somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
