i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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