just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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