Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
