Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
