and you said cock pushups were impossible
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
