she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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