Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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