you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Be still, my beating vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
