Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
