How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize