I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize