I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize