So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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