i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
