I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This baby is an asshole
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I AM VODKA MAN
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
