I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
