just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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