My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
