im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
