I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
