right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
